Battery Powered Ice Cream

I didn’t consider a love of ice cream and animals to be mutually exclusive until I bought an ice cream maker last summer, and upon reading a few recipes I realises that most ice cream contains eggs.  I try to avoid buying products made from cruelly treated animals, however a majority of commercial ice cream producers use eggs from intesively farmed hens.

Caged heat

Without going into the horrendous details (there are plenty of sites for that) hens bred in indoor cages (or “batteries”) spend their lives in extemely cramped conditions with a few fellow unfortunates. If they survive for around 12-18 months they are killed. Fortunately the practice is now so widely regarded as cruel it is to be banned in the European Union in 2012.

Bred with two faces

A good excuse never to help anyone or anything ever is that it might be hypocritical to do so. I would argue that to do a little for any just cause is much better than to do nothing. And even if we choose to do nothing but talking about it raises awareness and certainly does no harm. So, if one were to refuse to eat meat but wear leather shoes it would simply mean that a few less animals would die in the meat industry and those in the skin trade would be unaffected. Or if you were to cease to buy products containing eggs from caged birds for a month and write a letter to an ice cream company or supermarket voicing your concerns the world would be a tiny bit better than if you hadn’t.

Nice as ice

My favourite ice cream is the delicious Greens and Black’s organic, available in a sumptuous range of flavours at around £4 for 500ml – like all organic products it legally must be produced with a high standard of animal welfare, and the hens have significantly more space than those bred for the use of products simply labelled “free range.” A little cheaper is Mackie’s organic dairy ice cream – a serious yum-yum at £3 a litre. Swedish Glace is nice enough, contains no animal products at all and retails for a bargain £2 per 750ml.

Avoidance

I sent emails to a number of companies voicing my concerns about the use of caged birds in ice cream. From the replies it is clear that unless products are labelled as organic, or there is some sort of animal welfare marketing campaign, cruel farming methods are employed. I would single out Walls as sending me a particularly smug and self-congratulatory response to my first email before admitting when I pressed further that caged birds are used in their ice cream production. Haagen Dazs also use eggs from “indoor farmed hens”, which is shameful at their premium price point. But according to them the “fresh yolk…acts as a natural emulsifier, helping the texture and body of the ice cream and also providing the delicate flavour to our ice cream products.”

Show some compassion

The process of being in contact with these companies really put me off any sort of food, however the excellent organisation Compassion in World Farming deal with these types of people constantly, having discovered that the tactic of persuasion and co-operation helps animals more than the old fashioned shock tactics and shouting. There employees must have extraordinary levels of self control. If you’d like any more to help animals I suggest you head over to their website and follow there very sensible and measured advice on purchasing and campaigning.

Vision

This was to be an article about how pleased I was with my improving health, however my eye reached new levels of agony ten days ago with agonising abrasions to my cornea hitting double figures in one night.

I, Casualty 

When I eventually got to Norwich and Norfolk University Hospital Emergency Eye Clinic, the impressively skilled and efficient doctor said my cornea was like “patchwork”, and after applying anaesthetic, scraped the whole top layer clean off! This left me in a fucking world of pain and effectively unsighted for a couple of days while it grew back again, and only today am I able to use a computer long enough to do anything other than waste five minutes looking at bicycle components and blog stats. In fact, there has been very little to do at all. Unable to face sunlight or TV for a week, I just had radio and CDs for company in the daytime.

The Blind Leading the Partially Sighted

The radio populated my mind with bilge by likes of Gordon Brown, Michael Martin and hysterical commentators, their faux assertive voices feigning outrage at Daily Telegraph revelations concerning expenses claimed by Members of Parliament. My understanding of the situation was that MPs were underpaid (many times lower than their potential value in the private sector) and by way of recompense received very comfortable living expenses. Which seems fairs enough for working 16 hours a day job from which you might well get ceremoniously sacked from every 4-5 years. MPs were also clearly happy about the situation as they voted to keep it that way ten months ago. Disclosure is the only recent change. All the current mock-apologising and rehearsed grovelling is exactly what I dislike about politicians. The sums of money concerned are miniscule on a national scale – I care not if I inadvertently spend an incalculably small amount of tax on a “flat screen TV” (what other sort can you buy?) – I just dislike lies and opportunism. David Cameron is surely the worst case. As in the tragedy of Baby P, or any other real or imagined crisis, he jumps into every media op yelping “change…change…change”, morally posturing in an attempt to adopt a leaders’ role with “strong” words, but only caustic self-interest at heart. Perhaps he would like it if MPs returned to being unpaid, so, like in the good old days, only rich Conservatives could afford to take on the job? Or perhaps he believes that highly paid and morally dubious consultancies should be undertaken, as is already the case with many of the shadow cabinet. The present Government may be rightly unpopular, but Cameron led Government would be ruinous. Meanwhile, I wish an end to the fuss.

Noise is Off

With most music radio (with the exception of the excellent D&B shows on 1Xtra) living in retro-pop tedium, and the computer off-limits, I turned to CDs. Listening to music eyes shut and in pain is pretty intense and not altogether enjoyable. I got extremely pissed off listening to hardcore CDs – apart from the odd decent track the lazy programming seemingly abandons the listener while noisy-yet-dull sequences repeat. Classical music is more interesting, picking apart the various textures and guessing the intent of the composer, but any visualising made me move my eyes (ouch!) and any searing climaxes and overtly high pitched violins just made me think of my eyelids growing teeth and ripping ripping ripping!!! THE RIPPING…

Total Downer

After a week I had signs that could easily be mistaken for serious clinical depression. The constant pain had made me irritable and preoccupied, my inability to do anything useful lowered my self-opinion and physically I was weak due to zero exercise. All those symptoms left with the worst of the pain, but it is easy to see how lazy GPs mistake the symptoms of physical distress for mental illness and dish out the anti-depressants. This short experience has underlined the opinions I outlined in my earlier Prozacrap post.

Fit as a Frequency Modulator

It is a shame about my eye, as otherwise I’ve been really getting back to full fitness. I will write a full explanation of my chest illness on the main site when I’m sure it’s gone, but it would seen that I had a long-term muscular problem which was confused with the symptoms of oesophagitis, which I also had and ran concurrently for around a year. As a result, the muscular illness went untreated while the oesophagitis was believed to continue after it was cured. Now I’m normally pain-free except for if I bash my chest hard, lift very heavy objects or eat too much. As cycling generally doesn’t involve any of the above and as such I’ve managed regular rides, including a couple of 60 milers, which I’m very pleased with as six months ago I could barely wheel the bike from the garage without discomfort. I’ve also lost quite a few of the 104kg I was hulking last year. As my body gets more agile, as does my mind and I’m now pretty well zipping round music software program Cubase 5. I’m doing a couple more remixes and cover versions and I hope to be technically competent enough to concentrate on content and make some works of note by the year’s end. Meantime, here a couple of visual treats I was enjoying before the ripping…

Recommended

Shamefully, my knowledge of French horror starts and stops with Switchblade Romance, but I’ll certainly be checking out more after watching Martyrs, out on DVD on Monday following a limited UK cinematic release. Forcing mainstream film media into namechecking Ichi the Killer and Italian gobble ‘em up Cannibal Holocaust, due to the extreme violence, it is unfortunate that a film such as Martyrs – made to communicate and understand pain – should get confused with those that glower over it. This is an unexpectedly emotional study of long term physical and mental sufferance, and memories the film comforted me after my latest eye injury. Best viewed knowing little about it, this is one of my favourite films of all time in any genre.

Xbox 360 owner burrowing into community game downloads may discover gem Miner Dig Deep, a superbly addictive mine building collect ‘em up featuring a shopful of earth moving powertools. Fans of Toolbox Murders will be disappointed by the lack of underwritten female characters to use them on, though. Around four hours top entertainment for less than £2, this is one internet purchase that really will make you gasp as your shaft grows huge!

 

Redux: I, Destructor

Film remakes often aren’t as bad as you’d think, for every crappy Wicker Man there’s often the irreverent fun of Dawn of the Dead. I preferred Werner Herzog’s Nosferatu to the original, as well as Rob Zombie’s Halloween - apart from the musical score. Even away from films, music almost invariably fares badly at remakes, and I can’t think of a single instance when an artist or band has re-recorded a track over a decade later for it to be superior to the original – it’s a stupid idea.

A bit thick…

So, while I’m learning the new equipment in my studio I’ve decided to rework some old tunes. First up is I, Destructor which was my first single for Earache Records in 1993. It subsequently remixed and retitled I am Destructor for the album Life of Destructor, upon which this version is based. I haven’t fucked with the arrangement much, but I made mostly new sounds and used all new toys for the mix. Was it really a stupid idea, or is the only thick in the kick? Click below to find out…

Ultraviolence – I, Destructor Redux

Update

I’ve been back to it a month later and made some improvements, resulting in a clearer and louder mix, especially the percussion which was a little floaty in the first version. I used Twisted Lemon’s fantastic Sidekick plug to tighten it up a bit – this really is a super-bargain plug at a tenner, and far better than the bundled Cubase sidechainer.  See how the bass kicks now…

Ultraviolence – I, Destructor Redux v1.1

Video Nasties (part 3)

Whilst some may scoff at the idea that a society can be improved by banning horror films, the British Department of Public Prosecutions saw things differently, and in 1984 outlawed the ditribution of 39 films. Now they are readily available on DVD and violent crime is perceived to be spiralling out of control. Coincidence? So today, how many of the 39 are truly likely to deprave and corrupt? Find out in…

Notoriety

The Driller Killer (1979) is widely revered as video nasty royalty, possibly the best known of the 39, with the bloodied bearded face of the iconic VHS sleeve enticing a generation to stare longingly into video store frontage. Vilified by the media, the film became tabloid legend and in 1990 it’d be scoring a perfect 10. However, the film was to become a victim of its own infamy, as casual viewers watched the video re-release and TV showings through the 90s. They would soon wander what the fuss was about, and why such a film should be banned. Hoping for 90 minutes of gory cheap thrills, and getting something more akin to Scorsese-lite, the curious left disappointed. The truth was out. 8/10 

The Toolbox Murders (1977) saw little outrage here, although the UK DVD release quietly lacks the 1m46s cut from it’s 2000 BBFC submission. Much more publicity was had in the US, though, for its apparently misogynistic violence. Covered on mainstream TV shows such as 60 Minutes and Donahue, the marketing was spot on. The cash-in chain was completed by a remake in 2004. 5/10

DVD editions

2008’s uncut UK edition of The Driller Killer features an alright transfer of the film, along with a commentary by, and shoddy filmography of, director Abel Ferrara. A cheap package, the sleeve looks like it was knocked up in Photoshop in somebody’s lunch break. Ferrara fans will prefer the double US DVD featuring his early short films, but it is a relatively expensive collector’s item. 2/5

Blue Underground have lovingly restored The Toolbox Murders, and reunited various members of cast and crew for decent extras. Forget the truncated UK Vipco release. 4/5

The Films

The Driller Killer is more interesting than your average slasher, featuring a charismatic lead played by a young Ferrara, who would go on to make such films as The King of New York (1990), Dangerous Game (1993) amongst many others, even directing a couple of episodes of Miami Vice. Temperamental artist Reno, driven insane by lack of money and a rock band moving in upstairs, buys a Porto-Pak (an amusingly TV advertised battery back-pack) for his electric drill and goes on a rampage against New York’s homeless population. In a change from most films featuring oil paintings, Reno’s look to be genuinely brilliant, leaving one not quite sure whether he’s your usual loser artist, as the script would suggest, or some kind of visionary. In one particularly manic episode Reno addresses his girlfriend (who criticises the time he is taking over a haunting bison study) thus;

“Since when did you become such an expert on painting? What do you know about painting anyway? I’ll tell you what you know about painting, man. You don’t know nothin’ about painting, man. You know what you know about? You know how to bitch, and how to eat, and how to bitch and how to shit. But you don’t know nothin’ about painting!”

Lots of fun, this type of dialogue is not standard video nasty fare, and indicative of Ferrara’s work to come in the brilliant Bad Lieutenant (1992). He clearly had much more interest in the likes of  Taxi Driver (1976) and Mean Streets (1973) than anything from the horror genre. Despite such flourishes, though, The Driller Killer remains a fundamentally slow experience due to long periods with little action and sloppy editing. Had it played as a 45-60 minute short it would’ve been great, but then perhaps Ferrara would’ve been denied his break, and the world his subsequent work. 5/10

The Toolbox Murders is undiluted exploitation trash, made to cash-in on the success of the vastly superior (and not banned) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), which producer Tony DiDio claims he would not watch unless he was “being paid.” A red and white-striped balaclava wearing Cameron Mitchell (a Hollywood star before turning to low budget films and alcohol) kills women for the first half hour, before the film mutates into a god-awful teen detective drama, with script and plotting reminiscent of a poor episode of Quincy. The makers evidently remain cynical as ever; on the commentary star Pamelyn Ferdin gushes over Mitchell’s performance, despite earlier admitting to never having watched the completed film. 3/10

Gore

Porto-Pak at the ready, the lovable Reno drills out a handful of hobos, with a few visible holes and bright blood splatters. 4/10 

Murders from the toolbox: Battery powered electric drill (Porto-less, with a flexible bit) 5/10. Claw hammer 4/10. Philip’s headed screwdriver 3/10. Nail gun (administered to woman masturbating in bath) 6/10. Glove (suffocation) 1/10. Mark deducted for nothing happening for 45 minutes and re-added for the ending gives us an average of 4/10.

Soundtracks

“THIS FILM SHOULD BE PLAYED LOUD” heralds a static screen at the start of The Driller Killer. Doing so reveals a lot of background hiss. Some nice antique synths score the killings, and there is extensive footage of punk band The Roosters, who play the kind of bad-Blondie much loved by NYC locals. One of the songs is very reminiscent of the B52’s Planet Claire(1979), which is also takes the bassline from Henry Mancini’s theme from Peter Gunn (1958). 3/5

No such interest for The Toolbox Murders – just mundane title music and minimal scoring. 1/5

Result

 

The Driller Killer may not live up to the controversy or bloody promise of the title, but it stands as an interesting early work of a great film maker-to-be. The Toolbox Murders was made purely for financial gain, and while the first half hour may bounce along merrilly baiting the censors, the cynicism of the film’s remainder still leaves one feeling short changed even 32 years after it was made.

 

 

 

The Small Horses of Norfolk

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Click images to enlarge. Thanks to Calum and Mouse.

PC Correct?

Ultraviolence HQ 2009

Despite a frightening episode of temporary blindness a couple of weeks ago, which was how you’d imagine it only more boring, I’ve been feeling loads better lately. My chest still bugs me but there have been no prolonged life stopping periods of pain so far this year, so the guys at the Pain Clinic decided its best not to stick any anaesthetic needles in there for now. I’ve been able to do regular short cycle rides and have built a new PC for my studio.
Personally, I think the headaches associated with owning a music PC are overplayed by some. I expect slightly less hassle than maintaining small to medium size analogue based MIDI studio from ten years ago, and on the whole it is. For every hour I’ve recently been spending messing around with software licences, I’d probably have had to spend two or three routing out suspect cables, power supplies, vicious Atari mice and so forth. The aforementioned licences have been much easier to handle with a broadband connection – I decided against an Internet connection for my last two music computers but this seems to have gone smoothly enough using Windows Defender for protection on known sites. Now it’ll remain safely unplugged apart from updates every month or so. Hardware wise, the more things you connect to a PC the more hassle can be – here’s a few units I’ve had extensive experience of…

RME 9632 Hammerfall PCI (soundcard)

I had been through several cheaper soundcards before biting the bullet and spending £300 on this, mostly due to compatibility issues with my Powercores (see below). I certainly wouldn’t look back – the card’s user interface seems simple but allows control of every possible function, along with extensive diagnostic system and level information with good value D/A converters. However, the single best thing about the unit is that it has absolutely never caused my PC to crash with any software or hardware configuration. The last thing you need when on a creative roll is error messages, and this is rock solid.

PC Electronic Powercore (DSP card)

Although clocking up the years this is a great sounding unit, and has a weight and depth that most native plug-ins lack. However, stability issues make it hard to recommend. Coupled with my original M-Audio 1010LT soundcard unexplained buzzes made for an untenable config, with neither TC or M-Audio admitting any responsibility for the common situation. I replaced the M-Audio with a Focusrite Sapphire – all was well until the introduction of a second PCI Powercore where instability issues, especially when using Access’s Virus synth plug, came about again. Even with the RME card the Virus plug is still unreliable, with timing issues when running more than one instance. Why? It’s still on version 1.0.0, as TC and Access can’t agree on whose responsibility an update is. Like all things Powercore, it’s great when it works but not worth the hassle. I’ve become something of an addict, but I’d recommend non-users to stay clear.

Universal Audio UAD-1 (DSP card)

This has the opposite problem to the Powercore – it is very easy to use but I find the plugs themselves to be very retro and that, for me, means dull. I’ve a friend who mixes band music and swears by it. He tested the Neve plugs and, summing aside, found them dead-on accurate compared with the real desk. But perhaps the thought of owning the world’s best studio in 1983, and having Phil Collins in for session doesn’t consume his mind with suicidal thoughts…There just aren’t many UAD plugs that work for me – unfortunate as the system is super user friendly, convenient and inexpensive. As my spare PCI slots get rarer, this might have to go. Maybe along with the Powercore as well…as PCs get more powerful do we really need accelerators? Possibly not unless they’re a…

SSL Duende (DSP card)

The future of user interfaces is now...draw and go

This is sublime – I have two firewire models that have effectively replaced my Tascam mixing desk, with 32 stereo channels of the giving the best EQ sound I’ve ever heard – including real SSL desks. The bundled plugs are great, but add the optional X-EQ for a frequency-busting 10 band filtered EQ using a graphic interface. I see no reasons for plugs, apart from emus, to stick to awkward virtual knobs – graphical interfaces are much quicker to edit, easier to see what’s going on, look nicer. In this case total control from floor to ceiling, bollock bashes to head splits, and the best thing for mixing ever.

Video Nasties (part 2)

In an attempt to vanquish evil from 1980s society, there was much talk of blowing up Russian cities. However, a more immediate threat was posed by video cassettes of obscure horror films. 39 of them were banned, but like Russian cities, they survived, many now standing proud on DVD. But are they really shocking filth or just tedious bollocks? Find out in…

 Notoriety 

Tastefully known as SS Experiment Camp (1976) in the UK, this has become the best known exponent of the Naziploitation (Nazi exploitation) genre, and outraged newspaper articles coupled with half-decent marketing and distribution made this a must-see for 80s schoolchildren. However, the smoke and mirrors of outrage dissolved to see an uncut UK DVD release in 2006. 8/10

Gestapo’s Last Orgy (1977) remains theoretically banned in the UK as no company has tried to release it for 25 years, thus avoiding reclassification. It is little known despite the bonkers title. 5/10

DVD Editions

Both films are reviewed here are US R1 releases on Exploitation Digital label. SS Experiment Camp boasts a reasonable transfer of the film with a bare minimum of extras. The short interview with director Serge Garrone reveals an affable gentleman whose opinions on World War Two would suggest this work to be a low budget precursor to Schindler’s List. Which isn’t quite the case. 4/10

Respect to anyone with the tenacity to restore a film like Gestapo’s Last Orgy, but the post-production is quite shoddy, especially the audio which could have easily been cleaned up. English or Italian languages are offered, but no subtitles which again could have been cheaply done. Otherwise, only a few lobby cards and trailers are present. One of the trails (for Convent of Sinners) fades out and repeats itself, but another, for Porno Holocaust, features hardcore sex,  just to make up for it. 3/10

The Films

The Naziploitation genre was tiny, with around ten films slithering their way from Italy in the mid-70’s, some may know of it through Rob Zombie’s spoof  trailer Werewolf Women of the SS, part of Grindhouse (2007). SS Experiment Camp is quite typical, with a microscopic budget the shocks are derived from nudity, gurning reaction shots and poorly written dialogue which constantly reminds the viewer how terrible the whole thing is. The tortures on offer are claimed to be based on reality, but appear to be constructed from scrapped household appliances and wallpaper paste. Snail paced, the story is pretty non-existent, but the boredom is relented late on when the Commandant attempts an operation to steal a subordinates’ testical. Camp indeed. 2/10

There aren’t actually any members of the Gestapo in Gestapo’s Last Orgy, with the Nazi secret police force replaced by the usual SS costume rentals. Any further attempts to take the film seriously are thwarted early on with a grand line up of the usual nubile concentration camp inmates and their Nazi guards indulging in a scene of mass Reichsrape, complete with ridiculous “for the Fatherland” voiceovers, as the naked actors visibly strain to keep from touching genitals. The sequence brings to mind The Producers, had the protagonists opted for an X-certificate film rather than a stage play. The film lurches direction to contain a long section aping George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty Four, and its study of power between the Smith and O’Brian characters. The Room 101 scene is copied, only here part of the rats is played by an elite infantry of…gerbils! Anyone with a passing knowledge of rodents will find it hilarious, as the Commandant strokes the cute furry pets and talks of their love of human blood, eyeballs and brains. Camper still… 3/10

Gore content

With budgets this low, special FX are wisely kept to minimum but are very poor when present, with implausible make-up showing unlikely body functions punctuated by confusing edits. 2/10 apiece.

Result

It wasn’t much of a war, but SS Experiment Camp wins by virtue of reputation. However, I found Gestapo’s Last Orgy to be marginally more crass and ill-conceived making it the less boring watch of the two. I supposed with a shed load of beers and a couple of mates with an interest in exploitation flicks and film censorship, a Naziploitation viewing session might make for quite a fun evening - Reichsgerbils and all. But be prepared for the biggest disappointment about both films: ZEE LAK OV KOMEDY GERMAN AKKSENTS!!! NINE GOOT!!! DAS IST KAPPUT!!!

Eye Destructor

Johnny Violent: Driven insane by the pain

One thing that I didn’t wish for the New Year was a painful long term illness, after all I’ve already got a substantial one of those and I’m not that greedy, however after spending half the Xmas period in the half abandoned Norwich and Norfolk General Hospital sharing floor space with the blood flecked amputees-in-waiting and piss-soaked lost souls I bring you…Recurrent Corneal Erosion, which means every time I go to fucking sleep for more than a couple of hours my eyelid attaches to my cornea and when I move or open my eyes it takes a little piece with it. I could take it for the first week or two but it’s driving me fucking mad, and I’ve taken to switching on an alarm to wake me up every 90 minutes, which is making me totally loony tunes. I caught the my bloodshot eyes on camera and Photoshopped them up for the previous post…

I’m seeing a specialist in a few days and the problem should sort itself soon, so it’s not hopeless like my chest sometimes seems, but that’s a little better right now and I’ll write a whingathon on it in a month or so when I’ve been to the “awesomely named” Pain Clinic for drugs and agony coping strategies. Meantime, here’s a rundown on some CDs I’ve been enjoying lately…

Defqon.1 Festival 2008: (3xCD) compilation

I’m a huge fan of the Stunned Guys and it’s a great shame they don’t have a full length CD out – here there’s around a 40 minutes DJ set. When people talk about Gabber or European hardcore it is often labelled as dumb, gratuitously aggressive and overly repetitive and here the Stunnies demonstrate complete mastery of all three attributes for everyone to love or hate. Also banging set by Evil Activities – any chance to here Neophytes Always a Rubberboot is fine by me. The other disc of DJ sets is slower trance and hardstyle which aren’t genres I listen to much, so it’s interesting to hear what is going on, especially on a technical level. Some huge meisterkickdrums break up the 140bpm strobe-gazing and over familiar preset synth sounds. CD3 is a mixed bag of tunes by the artists who appeared at the Defqon festival, the vocal introductions to which are mostly hilarious for one reason or another… 

Update (March 2009): I’m still regually listening to the Stunned Guys mix – I think it’s got the perfect balance between aggression and audio fidelity – really modern and powerful. The Void Settler track on CD3 has about the heaviest kick drum I’ve ever heard.

Omen Trilogy: OST

I can only think of two “devil” films that are close to being frightening; Rosemary’s Baby and The Omen, which is nearly as silly a film as The Exorcist, but Jerry Goldsmith’s pounding choir and orchestral soundtrack cranks up the fear level without the need for any visuals whatsoever. You could take just about any two bars from the first track Ave Satani and loop them with a suitable drum break for a seriously floor-quaking hardcore track. Best played very loud in a darkened room, just like most music. Classic.

Update (March 2009): On further listening disc two is numbingly hammy and overblown, featuring an unessesary pipe organ. However, disc three (Final Conflict) is a, ahem, revelation, taking the themes from the first film and adding an epic good vs evil element it is remanisant of Goldsmith’s work on Star Trek V. I’ve just ordered the film trilogy for a fiver from Play.com, as it contains a documentary on the score.

Goblin: The Fantastic Voyage Of Goblin: The Sweet Sound Of Hell 

Sticking with horror movie soundtracks, this CD has a couple of pieces from Goblin’s scores from the 70s and 80s, standouts being (especially) Susperia, Profondo Rosso and Dawn of the Dead. Disappointingly, Tenebre lacks the slamming main theme but don’t worry as the CD can be had for around a fiver, and the odd prog-rock dirge aside, shows genuine invention and transcends it’s time period. Unlike the dorkish title and sleeve design.

Blade Runner: OST (standard edition)

Maybe I’m listening to too much retro soundtrack music. I’ve always liked this but haven’t bought a copy since I got stung by the ridiculous “jazz” reworking that masqueraded as Blade Runner for years. Here we have Vangelis’ authentic score, but if I wanted to hear voiceovers from the film scattered over the music I’d have bought the (cheaper) DVD instead, which also comes with visuals. I can’t really recommend this recording.

M83: Before the Dawn Heals Us

Most of my CD collection is hardcore and classical/soundtrack music so I’m trying to find some modern electronic music I can listen to in more social situations such as when my girlfriend’s in the same room as me. I’ve only heard this once – I like the synth layers which give a nice Pink Floyd-esque expansiveness but could do without the over-excited clacking of the “real” drums, as well as some deliberately aimlessness lyrics. We’ll see…

Eyesores

Click images to enlarge.

Video Nasties (part 1)

In 1984 the British Department of Public Prosecutions issued the Video Recordings act, outlawing 39 horror films released on video cassette. The tabloid press labelled them the “Video Nasties.” Most of these films have now returned uncut on DVD, but, a quarter of a century on, are they worth the bother? Find out as two films selected for their similarities fight through four brutal catagories in…

Notoriety

I Spit on Your Grave is king here, having received outright bans in various countries and the current UK DVD release is still missing 41 seconds. Mostly due to its title and ingenious marketing, which had very little to do with the film itself, this has become one of the most notorious nasties. 9/10

Last House on the Left is not widely known to those unfamiliar with the horror genre, lacking in a title of shock and awe. The “keep repeating, it’s only a movie” tagline may produce a comforting wave of nostalgic outrage in a small sector of the moral majority, though. 3/10

DVD Editions

Bizarrely, I Spit gets the THX certified treatment in the R1 Millennium Edition meaning this uncut print of the 1976 film looks fantastic, a commentary from bonkers director Meir Zarchi which goes some way to explaining his misguided and misunderstood attempt to strike a blow for rape victims, and film critic Joe Bob Briggs who at some points gets close to realising how risible the movie is. Also the usual trailers etc which are of some historical interest. 8/10

The new British Ultimate Edition of Last House lives up to its name with exhaustive extras that can provide months or a one very long night of entertainment, depending on the viewer’s enthusiasm levels. Three discs are rammed with facts and interviews surrounding this fascinating film. A personal favourite part being the interviews with star David Hess, who tries painfully hard not to be like his on-screen persona, whilst paradoxically being employed in the hope that he does so. Adding to the hilarity is co-star, and latterly porn producer Frank Lincoln who rejects this work as amoral, inexplicably citing it as responsible for “eighty rapes in America.” He insists he had a “great time” during production, though. Add interviews with Cagney and Lacey’s Martin Kove and you’re in for featurettes as eccentric as the film itself. Shot on blurry 16mm, the film looks about as good as its likely to for the foreseeable future, and so any HD version would be pointless. The inaptly named Carl Daft gives a heartrending account of his battle with the BBFC to give the UK an uncut DVD release. 10/10

The Films

Meir Zarchi claims I Spit to be made as a reaction his seeing a gang rape victim, ignored and bloodied in a police station, and so around a third of the running time is a rape scene, a third whilst the protagonist exacts revenge and the other third is spent asleep. There is no reason to doubt his sincerity, but Schindler’s List it isn’t and the single offensive thing about I Spit is that such a poor film should be made about the upsetting subject matter. The script, which he gleefully proclaims to have been written in 20 minute intervals during his commute, is very, very poor with the all the characters behaving strangely with no insights into anything at all. The editing, which Zarchi performed himself over the period of a year, is tortuously slow, embarrassing the actors (who appear to deal well with a difficult task) as they are shown walking and shuffling, filling long gaps between lines of silly dialogue, the lack of musical soundtrack heightening the effect. The only way to view this film without suffering suicidal tedium is as a comedy – a few friends and beers and retarded character Mathew’s assertions that he “can’t come”, or lead rapist Johnny’s reasoning that his actions were “what any man would have done” are hilarious. 2/10 

Contrastingly, 1971’s Last House on the Left is far from boring and gallops through its 83 minutes with the enthusiasm of some loosed steroidal stallion. I would take issue with the film’s commonly perceived status as the first slasher movie, as the characters are far in advance of the masked cartoons of the genre. The acting as all the artistic qualities far outweigh the $90,000 budget and first-time director status of Wes Craven as well as a crew experienced only in the making of documentaries enhance rather than limit the making of what was an experimental film. The violence can be genuinely affecting and depressing, evoking a time of the Manson murders and Vietnam as the tale which is on the surface one of good and evil, but occasionally slips into one of the futility of conflict. The folk music of the soundtrack provides a distracting lyrical aside to the action, its humour misplaced here, but the more avant garde pieces during the murders are quite effectual, which the naïve clangings and synth squelchings producing a surprisingly chilling atmosphere to the fraught scenes of abuse. This film far outguns its status as “video nasty” and this is as good as real-world horror gets. 9/10

Gore content

I Spit contains little blood letting, and whilst the famous castration scene is reasonably effective the other deaths are laughably poor. The elongated rape scene contains a few hair raising moments, but more due to the ill-treated subject matter and consistent screaming than anything else. 3/10 

Last House is also remarkably free of gore for a work so tirelessly pursued by the censors, but what little there is enhances a harrowing view. 4/10

Result

Last House slays I Spit by four points, remaining a classically powerful piece of horror cinema as opposed to a curio which, like many of the nasties, may well have been forgotten were it not for attempts prevent its distribution.